Procrastinating...

For about a week now, my room has been cluttered with books and magazines and lots of other junk. According to mom, I have to get rid of a lot of my stuff because we might be moving soon, and there wouldn't be any space in the new house. House...apartment...whatever. Until now, I haven't touched that pile yet because I know that if I do, it will bring me closer to the end. The end of living here in the good ol' Philippines. I want to delay leaving as much as possible.

Then again, I've gotten rid of my old school stuff, like term papers, projects, etc. But I can't seem to sort out my books and CDs properly. I want to keep everything! I was looking in the closet the other day, and I found my pen collection. And I do mean collection. I have about 4 mugs (big, big mugs) filled with ballpens. I even have the one I used when I was still in grade school. 90% of them don't have ink anymore, but I still keep them. Aside from the mugs, I have about 2 makeup kits filled with pens. Sheesh. I also have about 10 notebooks, 7 journals, and a filofax that I've never used. Not to mention my bags (which I most likely will never part with).

Most of the CDs, I've transferred into mp3s, and will give the CDs away. The books, the ones I really want, of course I'll keep. The rest will go to my sister's house, and some of them to my friends. Jef has already staked his claim on my comics. As for stuffed toys...hmm...I dunno where that will go. My Cabbage Patch doll and Puffalump will go with me of course.

I have this wooden trunk in my room where I keep all the *secret* stuff. This is where all the memories go. Which reminds me, what the heck am I going to do with my old journals?! I don't want anyone to read them, and I don't think I can get a lockbox for them. Maybe I could stick the pages together so that no one can ever read them. Hee.

It seems so weird to me though, that thirty years of my life is going to be crammed into a tiny trunk. Pictures, diaries, old newspapers, letters, greeting cards. That's almost all that symbolizes my life in the Philippines so far. On a high note, when I move to Canada, I can begin to fill up another trunk with new things. Not necessarily better, since nothing compares to living here, but different.

Jef has been so sweet about all this. I know it's just as hard on him too. Now that mom plans to move again, to Makati this time, we won't be seeing each other everyday. Shet! I don't want to think about it. I think it's mom's way of gradually letting me get used to not seeing Jef or my friends. I understand her point. But knowing that the move is inevitable just makes me want to dig my feet in even more and hold on for dear life to what I have now. I don't want to leave. Not just yet. I just want to be here for the last big hurrah with my friends in the summer. That's it. After that, I'll be okay.