Sad

Sometimes I really don't understand my friends. Guy friends. They can act like such girls. Worse than girls, actually. Because girls can tell you straight out whether or not they want to do something or not. Or at least come up with a good excuse as to why they can't/won't do whatever it is you have planned. Plus girls are more enthusiastic. Guys, on the other hand, waffle. They either won't a) answer your messages, or b) say "we'll see", or worse, c) say yes, but then back out at the last minute. Or maybe all of the above. I'm not generalizing okay, I'm just mainly talking about my guy friends.

I've been planning this big to-do for my birthday. Okay fine, so my birthday isn't until September, but you see, I really wanted to push through with the plan. I am a stickler for detail, and I hardly do anything without planning it out first. So when I talked to my friends about it, they have gone the a or b route. Gads! Gimme a straight answer gaddamit! So that I won't get my hopes up. It may not mean much to them, but it sure means a hell of a lot to me.

I know that they're busy. Which is why I'm planning in advance. But still, the Waffle Patrol...er...waffle. It's all very disappointing. I'm there when they need me. I'm up until 4am talking to them about whatever problem they have. I meet up with them when they want to. But when I need them...only a handful...so far only two. Again, very disappointing. I'm trying not to think about what I get out of the friendships that I have with them. That's wrong, I know. But "what are friends for" then?

I've been through one of the most difficult times in my life with nary a caring word from them. It's all "kaya mo 'yan!" said in a careless, flippant way. Thank God for Jef, who has been steadfast through it all. If it weren't for him...I don't know...

It's not fun, and it's very very frustrating. There will come a point wherein I will give up planning anything anymore and waffle myself.